We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
