I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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