Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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