my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
