Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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