What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
