"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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