he wants to bone in the snuggie
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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