I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Just invented taco cereal.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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