bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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