You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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