no, he came in my armpit
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
