What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
