Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
