Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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