the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
