Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
