god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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