I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
