Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Drake has all the answers
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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