Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
