This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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