I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
