too bad you live with your parents still
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
