I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
