having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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