Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
