woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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