I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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