Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
