Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
