I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There r osticjed everywhere
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
