Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
