i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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