We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
