i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
