So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
