Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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