He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
