I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
