i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
