i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Randomize
