I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
