just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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