Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
