it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
