Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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