Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
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