i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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