My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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