butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
