Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
